Flawsome: Embrace all of you when you think you should be someone else
Nothing will humble you more than the bluntness of a child.
This past weekend I found myself face to face with a truth and nowhere else to turn. “You’re not organized like mama” was the phase I was confronted with while on a scavenger hunt to gather ingredients for homemade pancakes since my go-to Costco-sized bag of premixed “just add water” had nothing more left over other than a few dust particles floating around my pantry.
I had my friends' four kids over for the night and as a tradition when they stay at auntie Ligia’s we have a movie night with popcorn and dill pickle shake flavoring, and in the morning it's pancakes.
I said yes to a last-minute ask, triggered by a last-minute invitation, but let's be real that’s just my excuse I’m trying to get away with. An excuse to say I would have been better prepared for this visit, but the reality is I wasn’t and didn’t want to be. I figured we’d work things out and make due with what we had and I would do what I usually do and improvise and see what happens.
Now, this is not the first time I have had said ten-year-old bring this to my attention, she's a mature, helpful, and curious child that craves to be around adults and has been raised by an enthusiastic organizer who in her free time will reorganize her cupboards and alphabetize her spices. Her family takes great pleasure in moving things out of place because she ALWAYS NOTICES.
A previous version of myself would have been insulted, annoyed, embarrassed, and ashamed. There was a version of me that would have inevitably spiraled into a hole of self-hatred for not being better. For not taking more time to work on my flaws and stuffing myself into the “good mom” mold. If I don’t I am less than and unfit to be a mother…
“Why don’t you put your things away like mama?”
“I am not mama”- I reply
“Wouldn’t it be easier? Then you can find things you are looking for faster”
“That’s true, it is very good point” I acknowledge
“Emily”, I say “you know how I like art and painting?”
“Yeah I love to see the things you make” she exclaims.
“Well, your mom's art is organizing, planning, and finding efficient ways to clean things, mom loves to do that, she does research, she tries different things, she asks people about it and she loves the feeling of when everything is in its place, it makes life easier and more enjoyable for her.”
“Yeah, she wants to redo the playroom” she adds
“Exactly, does mama paint, or do the things I do?” I ask
“No.”
“Mama and I just have different forms of art and ways of doing things, different ways our minds work.
That’s what makes our friendship so special we are so different from each other that we are able to teach each other new things. Friends aren’t people who are the same but who can appreciate each other's unique gifts, it’s a place where we can share and learn from one another and encourage each other to grow in our own way.” I explain.
After this conversation I made me stop and think of our friendship over the years and a word popped up :
Flawsome: Defined as an individual who embraces their flaws and knows they are awesome regardless.
I used to carry a lot of shame around my messiness, the disorganization, and my tendency-no need to live life flying by the seat of my pants… I can’t do it any other way… I always saw this as my flaw, but in my search for bringing more joy to my life, I have found that my happiness starts with my ability to accept myself, my quirks, my gifts, and being open to the areas I want to expand. It's coming to terms with the idea that I am no better or worse than anyone else but have my own style for how I choose to live my life.
I think of all the time I wasted worrying about what would people think of me if they only knew:
I’m notorious for leaving my keys in the fridge, I lose my phone constantly, or how I’d much rather paint or write than clean and organize, imagine what they’d think if they knew that one season I lost my purse at stores 5 times in a span of 7 months (all returned but 1 time).
These might seem like flaws to some but if you look at it from a different angle these are tiny blessings in disguise: I’m cultivating an environment of awareness, empathy, and trust in people.
My friend has taught me to be more organized in my kitchen and office space and to take the time to declutter and minimize, she has shared useful cleaning tips that help me get what I need to get done faster.
In turn, she’s incorporated fitness into her daily life, has been open to trying my latest healthy recipe concoctions, and lets me bring messy art projects to her house to do with all our kids.
It's in these differences that we can learn and grow.
Maybe if we believe a little more in our flawsomeness we can turn those perceived flaws into gifts and stop trying to convince others and ourselves we are worthy of their acceptance. When we can accept our whole selves we are already free.
So when this 9-year-old asked me…“Why aren’t you more like mama? This particular Saturday morning as I am trying to make magic with flour and eggs to serve up delectable pancakes… The best answer I could give her was
“because I am happy being me”.
Hi, I’m Leah spelt Ligia, thanks for reading!
I am an artist, a writer, a speaker and an all-around lover of life and learning.
This is my journey into the world of following my creative dreams. I’m the author of “Living with Dirty Glasses” if you are ready to clean your life lenses and start creating the life of your dreams you can grab your downloadable workbook here.
Thank you for reading. This is my journey into the tumultuous world of following my creative dreams.
You’re welcome to join me for the ride (:
